I’m pleased to say a new Scottish Meetup group, based in Glasgow, has been set up for shy and socially anxious people. The web address for it is:-

http://www.meetup.com/ShyInScotland/

 Here’s hoping it gathers a few enthusiastic followers and creates some enjoyable times for the members.

Shyness and Social Anxiety Links

There’s plenty of information about shyness and social anxiety available on the Internet and it does help to become more informed and get tips from others. Here are some good sources of free information.

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/shynesssocialphobia.asp

 A self-help guide to shyness and social phobia produced by the NHS in Scotland. It’s several pages long but well worth printing out.

 http://shyunited.proboards15.com/

 Shy United – A message board and discussion forum specifically for shy people. Lots of members from all over the world, but mostly the US, UK and Canada. A few Scots too but not that many.

 http://www.shynesshelp.com/shdate.html

 Dating tips for shy people from ShynessHelp.com. Some good ideas from this article about not just meeting people in pubs and clubs –

 “Here are some ideas for meeting other single people:

Classes: Cooking, photography, yoga, creative writing, dancing, etc. These classes can be found at community colleges, city recreation centers, adult education programs and many private organizations.

 Sports: Soccer, volleyball, tennis, dancing, baseball, biking, rafting, roller-blading, canoeing, etc. If you do not know where to find the locale of a particular sports activity, find a local store that sells the equipment for that sport and ask the salespeople.

 Online Dating: There are many online services to choose from. Proceed cautiously, if you agree to meet the person. Talk on the phone first then meet briefly in a public place. Do not give out any personal information such as your full name, address, place of work, etc. until you know the person first. If you are a teen tell your parents and a few close friends if you are planning to meet a stranger. Let the stranger know that you have done this.

 Communities: Many single people these days belong to a community of people with similar interests who like to participate together in a particular activity. These are often warm and friendly places to meet new people. Meditation, Sierra Club, biking, book groups, self-help activities such as 12 step programs, online communities.

 Volunteer Work: Food banks, Children’s shelters, service clubs, etc.”

 Shy people often aren’t at their best in a noisy pub so think more widely about where to meet new people. For example several years ago I took a meditation course at the Glasgow Buddhist Centre (I’m not a Buddhist but thought it would help with stress management) and met some nice people there. While I didn’t make any new friends I did enjoy the conversation. Equally I did Spanish classes in the past and enjoyed the chance to practice my social skills during the break in the middle of the class. Glasgow and Strathclyde universities have lots of interesting evening classes such as art appreciation, creative writing and languages so get their catalogues (I think classes usually start in September or January so the catalogues come out some time before that. I would recommend doing things you are interested in first and then if you make friends it’s a bonus. However if your primary aim is to meet someone of the opposite sex then you could choose accordingly e.g. there are likely to be more women at a yoga class and more men at a car maintenance class I would guess. I should mention that when I was a student most of the friends I had at University was through attending a karate club. Bonus: I was much fitter too than I am now J

 http://www.social-anxiety-shyness-info.com/art/shyness/shyness-q&a.htm

 Frequently Asked Questions about shyness.

 http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/forum17.html

 http://www.shyrelease.com/

 http://www.angelfire.com/super2/overcomingshyness/oldversusnew.html

 http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt11095.html

 http://www.angelfire.com/super2/overcomingshyness/index.html

 http://www.howtobecooler.com/resources

 http://www.angelfire.com/super2/overcomingshyness/actionstotake.html

 http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/socialphobia.html

 http://www.effectiveness-plus.com/articles.htm

 http://www.wikihow.com/Lose-Shyness,-Make-Friends-and-Be-a-Good-Friend

 http://www.theshywriter.com/main.htm

 http://shyandquiet.com/2007/01/04/i-have-social-anxiety-disorder-who-knew/

 Here is a list of links which I found on the website www.sascotland.co.uk (I’ve just cut and pasted them over to highlight them), maybe some of these will be useful for you too.

 Links for Social Anxiety

 http://www.clarocet.com/

 http://www.shyandfree.com/

 http://socialanxietysupport.com/

 http://www.socialphobiaworld.com

 http://www.shyrelease.com/

 http://panicdisorder.about.com/

 http://www.anxietycentre.com/

 http://mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=1

 http://dcregistry.com/users/kaitlyn07/

 http://www.anxietynetwork.com/helphome.html

 http://www.mamashealth.com/mental/anxhelp.asp

 http://www.anxieties.com/

 http://www.anxietycoach.com/

 http://www.nnt.nhs.uk/mh/content.asp?PageName=selfhelp

 http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/index.htm

 http://groups.msn.com/Calmestplace2/general.msnw

 http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn7000

 http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/page.cfm?pagecode=PRCMAW

 http://www.phobics-awareness.org/

 http://groups.msn.com/AvoidantPersonalityGroup/

 NHS 24= 08454 24242

Hello and welcome to the Shy In Scotland blog. Following the old slogan “Think Globally, Act Locally” I want this to be a helpful site for anyone who suffers from shyness or social anxiety, wherever they are. However I live in Scotland, Glasgow to be precise, and I want this page to complement the activities of my local Shyness Meetup group (see http://shyness.meetup.com/165/) - I want there to be an online and an offline place for Scottish people to discuss shyness issues, to find friendship, or just for socialising. The very nature of shyness keeps us isolated, and isolation keeps us from solutions. By supporting each other we can improve both our social lives and our social skills.

In my experience it’s great for shy people to come together in a stress free way. If you live in Glasgow you might want to join the Meetup group if:

- You used to have several friends but they have settled down.
- You want to meet new people but you don’t know how and may even avoid social situations because you feel awkward.
- You have friends but shyness affects your progress at work.
- You watch way too much TV because you have nothing else to do and/or no one to hang out with.

About this site

I hope that in time I will create a resource which is used by people forming other shyness meetup groups – to share information with their members, and thus I would be able to help not just Glasgow people but also people elsewhere.
How did you find this site? Was it through Google, or a recommendation from a friend? Perhaps you found this site through a link from another site while searching for information about your shyness. This site is for both people who see themselves as simply shy and for those who have a degree of Social Anxiety. Although I am quite shy with only a moderate amount of social anxiety, I have found that by looking up information about SA and joining an SA online community, then going to their meets, my shyness has been greatly helped. You may not even have heard of the term “social anxiety” or reject that label for yourself but I would encourage you to investigate further with an open mind. Take it from author Gillian Butler. She states “Clearly, shyness and social anxiety are close relatives. There is too much overlap in their symptoms and their effects, and there are many reasons to suppose that the strategies that have been shown to be helpful in overcoming social anxiety are also valuable for overcoming shyness“.

So if you think you are socially anxious, don’t rule out joining a shyness group as you may find much in common with the people there. Similarly, if you think you are shy but not socially anxious, don’t miss out on a good resource like the book “Overcoming Social Anxiety” by Gillian Butler (more on that book later).

The Shyness FAQ at http://members.aol.com/cybernettr/shyness.html

answers the following question

What is the difference between shyness and social phobia?

Generally speaking, the component of anxiety is much greater in people with social phobia than it is with shyness. Social phobics tend to avoid social situations to a greater extreme than shy people do. A social phobic may not be able to get themselves to go to a party, while a shy person may be able to go but may end up sitting alone for most of the evening.

People with social phobia, however, can be quite comfortable and seem outgoing in certain social situations, while avoiding or feeling intense anxiety in others.

In other words, the fear factor of social phobia seems to be more intense than it is with shyness, but shyness seems to be made up of more components, such as having difficulty smiling, making eye contact or knowing what to say to new acquaintances/”

http://shyandquiet.com/what-is-social-anxiety/

has a good answer to the question “what is social anxiety?”

 If you are unsure whether or not you have SA, and to what degree, why not complete the questionnaire – for information purposes only – it does not replace a consultation with a health professional – at

 http://effectiveness-plus.com/Questionnaire.htm

 In my own case I haven’t sought the medical diagnosis of social anxiety as I don’t want to think of myself that way, but I have still been helped by reading books about SA. A good place to start reading more is the NHS leaflet on SA at

 http://www.nnt.nhs.uk/mh/leaflets/shy%20A5.pdf

In later posts on this blog I will review several books relating to shyness, social anxiety, introversion and friendship. I will also touch on the subject of depression since this is an issue for many for whom shyness has had a negative impact on their friendships, relationships and career. Some books I can recommend immediately if you would like to review at Amazon and make up your own mind:-

“Fabulous Friendship Festival” by SARK

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fabulous-Friendship-Festival-Learning-Friends/dp/0307341690

This book gives great insight into the great benefits that can come from having real friendships in your life, shows you how to create new friendships and also be a better friend to yourself. For those who are afraid to make friends or have been burned in the past this book offers a positive vision and celebration of friendship, perhaps an idealised one, but one that will help you overcome your ambivalence about taking part in social activities.

“Goodbye to Shy: 100 ShyBusters That Work!” by Leil Lowndes

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Goodbye-Shy-Shybusters-That-Work/dp/0071456422

This is a light and easy read with an upbeat message and lots of tips on really getting past your shyness – some easy to implement and some a little harder. I plan to discusss a few of these tips in future posts.

“Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques” by Gillian Butler

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1854877038/

This is a great book for educating yourself about shyness and social anxiety – this will show you exactly why you are they way you are and the faulty thinking habits that hold you back. It then gives detailed exercises showing how to transform these negative thinking habits into more effective ones. This is a very popular book within the online community at www.social-anxiety.org.uk and is worth reading more than once.

The Shy Single: How To Overcome Shyness and Find Love by Bonnie Jacobson

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shy-Single-Overcome-Shyness-Find/dp/1405067284

This book promises to help the reader overcome shyness and find love. Since I’m already engaged I can’t vouch for how well the ideas work in the dating world, but they do seem very practical and realistic for the shy person. I also found a lot in this book to help people who are already in a relationship to keep it going well.

 

Until my next post, happy reading!

 Colin