Hello and welcome to the Shy In Scotland blog. Following the old slogan “Think Globally, Act Locally” I want this to be a helpful site for anyone who suffers from shyness or social anxiety, wherever they are. However I live in Scotland, Glasgow to be precise, and I want this page to complement the activities of my local Shyness Meetup group (see http://shyness.meetup.com/165/) - I want there to be an online and an offline place for Scottish people to discuss shyness issues, to find friendship, or just for socialising. The very nature of shyness keeps us isolated, and isolation keeps us from solutions. By supporting each other we can improve both our social lives and our social skills.
In my experience it’s great for shy people to come together in a stress free way. If you live in Glasgow you might want to join the Meetup group if:
- You used to have several friends but they have settled down.
- You want to meet new people but you don’t know how and may even avoid social situations because you feel awkward.
- You have friends but shyness affects your progress at work.
- You watch way too much TV because you have nothing else to do and/or no one to hang out with.
About this site
I hope that in time I will create a resource which is used by people forming other shyness meetup groups – to share information with their members, and thus I would be able to help not just Glasgow people but also people elsewhere.
How did you find this site? Was it through Google, or a recommendation from a friend? Perhaps you found this site through a link from another site while searching for information about your shyness. This site is for both people who see themselves as simply shy and for those who have a degree of Social Anxiety. Although I am quite shy with only a moderate amount of social anxiety, I have found that by looking up information about SA and joining an SA online community, then going to their meets, my shyness has been greatly helped. You may not even have heard of the term “social anxiety” or reject that label for yourself but I would encourage you to investigate further with an open mind. Take it from author Gillian Butler. She states “Clearly, shyness and social anxiety are close relatives. There is too much overlap in their symptoms and their effects, and there are many reasons to suppose that the strategies that have been shown to be helpful in overcoming social anxiety are also valuable for overcoming shyness“.
So if you think you are socially anxious, don’t rule out joining a shyness group as you may find much in common with the people there. Similarly, if you think you are shy but not socially anxious, don’t miss out on a good resource like the book “Overcoming Social Anxiety” by Gillian Butler (more on that book later).
The Shyness FAQ at http://members.aol.com/cybernettr/shyness.html
answers the following question
What is the difference between shyness and social phobia?
Generally speaking, the component of anxiety is much greater in people with social phobia than it is with shyness. Social phobics tend to avoid social situations to a greater extreme than shy people do. A social phobic may not be able to get themselves to go to a party, while a shy person may be able to go but may end up sitting alone for most of the evening.
People with social phobia, however, can be quite comfortable and seem outgoing in certain social situations, while avoiding or feeling intense anxiety in others.
In other words, the fear factor of social phobia seems to be more intense than it is with shyness, but shyness seems to be made up of more components, such as having difficulty smiling, making eye contact or knowing what to say to new acquaintances/”
http://shyandquiet.com/what-is-social-anxiety/
has a good answer to the question “what is social anxiety?”
If you are unsure whether or not you have SA, and to what degree, why not complete the questionnaire – for information purposes only – it does not replace a consultation with a health professional – at
http://effectiveness-plus.com/Questionnaire.htm
In my own case I haven’t sought the medical diagnosis of social anxiety as I don’t want to think of myself that way, but I have still been helped by reading books about SA. A good place to start reading more is the NHS leaflet on SA at
http://www.nnt.nhs.uk/mh/leaflets/shy%20A5.pdf
In later posts on this blog I will review several books relating to shyness, social anxiety, introversion and friendship. I will also touch on the subject of depression since this is an issue for many for whom shyness has had a negative impact on their friendships, relationships and career. Some books I can recommend immediately if you would like to review at Amazon and make up your own mind:-
“Fabulous Friendship Festival” by SARK
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fabulous-Friendship-Festival-Learning-Friends/dp/0307341690
This book gives great insight into the great benefits that can come from having real friendships in your life, shows you how to create new friendships and also be a better friend to yourself. For those who are afraid to make friends or have been burned in the past this book offers a positive vision and celebration of friendship, perhaps an idealised one, but one that will help you overcome your ambivalence about taking part in social activities.
“Goodbye to Shy: 100 ShyBusters That Work!” by Leil Lowndes
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Goodbye-Shy-Shybusters-That-Work/dp/0071456422
This is a light and easy read with an upbeat message and lots of tips on really getting past your shyness – some easy to implement and some a little harder. I plan to discusss a few of these tips in future posts.
“Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques” by Gillian Butler
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1854877038/
This is a great book for educating yourself about shyness and social anxiety – this will show you exactly why you are they way you are and the faulty thinking habits that hold you back. It then gives detailed exercises showing how to transform these negative thinking habits into more effective ones. This is a very popular book within the online community at www.social-anxiety.org.uk and is worth reading more than once.
The Shy Single: How To Overcome Shyness and Find Love by Bonnie Jacobson
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Shy-Single-Overcome-Shyness-Find/dp/1405067284
This book promises to help the reader overcome shyness and find love. Since I’m already engaged I can’t vouch for how well the ideas work in the dating world, but they do seem very practical and realistic for the shy person. I also found a lot in this book to help people who are already in a relationship to keep it going well.
Until my next post, happy reading!
Colin
